Power dynamics shape the way people interact, not only in BDSM but in everyday life. From workplace hierarchies to personal relationships, dominance and submission exist everywhere but they are often misunderstood.
According to Georgie Blewett, a Somatic Sex Practitioner, the way people express power or surrender control can be deeply personal and often fluid. Understanding these dynamics, whether inside or outside the bedroom, can help individuals feel more in tune with their needs, boundaries, and identities.
Misconceptions About Dominance and Submission
One of the biggest misconceptions about dominance and submission is that they are gendered and strictly heteronormative.
"There’s this idea that dominance is inherently masculine and submission is inherently feminine," Blewett explains. "But power exchange has nothing to do with gender. A dominant isn’t always a man, and a submissive isn’t always a woman. These roles are about personality, desires, and relational dynamics, not gender."
Another common assumption is that submission means passivity. Some believe that a submissive partner lacks agency or is expected to accept anything their Dominant desires. In reality, submission is a highly active role, requiring strong boundaries, trust, and communication.
"A submissive isn’t just there to allow everything to happen to them, nor do they have to be strictly hypersexual," Blewett explains. "They could be asexual, they could have no interest in pain at all. And on the flip side, a Dom(me) isn’t necessarily sadistic or cruel. Many Dominants and submissives exist in deeply loving and emotionally connected partnerships."
Power exchange dynamics, much like any other relationship, are built on mutual respect and consent. The stereotypes of a helpless submissive or an overpowering Dominant do not reflect the reality of these dynamics.
Do You Lean Toward Dominance or Submission?
Understanding whether you lean more dominant or submissive in your interactions requires self-awareness and body mapping.
"In everyday life, many people who appear dominant—those who are always in charge, delegating tasks, making decisions may actually crave submission in intimate settings," Blewett explains. "They want to surrender control because their daily life demands so much of them."
Conversely, some people habitually prioritise others, taking on the role of a people-pleaser. These individuals may have difficulty asserting their boundaries, which can lead to frustration or resentment.
One way to determine your natural inclinations is to track how your body reacts in different situations. Blewett calls this "feelings mapping", a method of identifying emotional and physical cues throughout the day.
For those who are dominant in everyday life, some key signals might include:
-
Increased heart rate and stress when in charge
-
Feeling pressure to always be in control
-
Thoughts racing before falling asleep, indicating mental overload
For those who struggle with submission, the cues might be different:
-
A lump in the throat when unable to say no
-
Feeling drained from constantly prioritising others
-
A sense of resentment at overriding one’s own boundaries
Recognising these patterns can help people align their relational dynamics with their emotional and psychological needs.
Can BDSM Help Build Confidence in Everyday Life?
Many people who explore power exchange find that BDSM helps them develop a stronger sense of self in their daily lives.
"I’ve worked with men who present as extremely dominant in their day-to-day life, but they come to me for sessions where they want to be humiliated, dressed in a skirt, or stripped of their usual control," Blewett says. "For them, it’s a way to integrate different parts of their identity. By having a safe space where they can be submissive, they feel more at peace in their everyday masculinity."
For others, BDSM is a way to fully embody their dominant or submissive identity and carry that sense of self into the world.
"I identify as a switch, and I self collared," Blewett shares. "That means I walk into the world knowing that I can hold myself accountable, that I can protect myself, and that I can be kind. As a submissive, I serve myself, worship myself. That self-acceptance translates into confidence in everyday life."
This idea ties into Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, a psychological framework that outlines human motivation. At the top of this hierarchy is self-actualisation - the ability to fully express and embrace who we are. For many, exploring BDSM is part of that journey toward clarity, self-acceptance, and empowerment.
Reaching Self-Actualisation Through Power Exchange
Self-actualisation is not a permanent state, but rather a process that shifts over time.
"It comes in seasons," Blewett explains. "It’s impossible to feel fully self-actualised all the time because our environment changes. What we need today might not be what we need tomorrow, and that’s okay."
One of the biggest barriers to self-actualisation, particularly within kink, is shame.
"Society gives us so many messages about what is ‘acceptable’, whether it’s from the media, religion, or cultural norms. These messages can make us feel like we have to justify or suppress who we are," Blewett says.
Unlearning shame is a lifelong process, and moments of doubt are inevitable.
"When we’re making progress, we sometimes hit a plateau where shame resurfaces even harder," she explains. "But that’s often a sign that your body is finally feeling safe enough to process things more deeply. It’s not a setback, it’s an opportunity to keep going."
For those navigating self-actualisation through BDSM, the key is to stay curious, challenge shame, and give yourself permission to evolve.
"Power dynamics exist everywhere," Blewett says. "Whether in the bedroom or the boardroom, understanding where you feel most at home—where you feel safe, confident, and in control—can be a powerful step towards self-acceptance."
—-
About Georgie
Georgie Blewett, MSc is a Somatic Sex and Relationship Practitioner based in Edinburgh, specialising in sexual dysfunction, embodiment, and BDSM. With a deep commitment to supporting clients in cultivating fulfilling relationships and authentic self-expression, Georgie integrates evidence-based approaches with embodied practices.
In addition to their private practice, Georgie serves as the Research Coordinator for the Center for Positive Sexuality and is a reviewer for the Journal of Positive Sexuality. Their academic work includes a master's dissertation on stigma, identification, and well-being in the kink community, reflecting their dedication to advancing inclusive, sex-positive research and education.
